Why

I don't know what prompted it maybe it was some pictures I saw of myself today, but I couldn't help but have a whoa's me moment. I don't understand why in the 4 billion people or so on the planet why I have to be one of the ones who struggle so helplessly with my weight. Why my metabolism can't be faster. I want to be that girl who can eat like a horse and never gain a pound. I want to be that girl who can run for miles and hardly break a sweat. I want to be that girl who doesn't have a stretch mark on an inch of my body even after having 3 kids. Why couldn't that be me.. Why did I get the curse of being overweight most my life? I realize things could be much worse for me, I watch intervention and see these people who had traumatic childhoods sometimes less traumatic than mine and get addicted to meth or heroin because of it. I've been fortunate to not go that path. But my path is probably just as destructive to my body in a way. Its definitely not healthy to be overweight, I realize I'm at higher risk for stroke, heart disease, diabetes and numerous other ailments because of it but yet somehow none of that really registers in my brain when I'm scarfing down that Sonic cheeseburger and tots. Wasn't my childhood traumatic enough? What ultimate plan did the universe have for me that included being beaten and molested as a child and then grow up to suffer more with weight issues. It sucks. I hate being the girl with the" pretty face." I hate being the girl with the" bubbly personality", I hate being that girl who has to shop in the plus size section if there even is one. I want to just be normal!  Why can't I just be Normal?

What Gives

I'm frustrated right now, I don't understand how I can exercise every damn day and keep my calories right at 1500 or lower and not lose any damn weight..What Gives? What exactly is it that I have to do to move that freakin scale? I know I shouldn't weigh myself daily but two weeks now and I've been stuck at the same number and I'm not getting why.. Its just not working out in my head how that is possible. So yeah I'm a little frustrated again today. I won't sabotage myself today like i did last week. I'll Keep on going but scale if you don't move soon be prepared for me to throw you across the room..

Its the Little Things

I've lost weight before, 150lbs to be exact. It definitely wasn't an easy task by any means. Yet somehow here I am again back on this weight loss roller-coaster. Life caught up to me again, weight caught up to me again. I've been so oblivious to the weight I was putting back on and I can only attribute it to grief and depression. I know I eat to mask pain, I eat to make myself feel better when I'm down, I eat when I feel like crap about myself, I eat when I'm stressed, I eat and eat and eat. I'm tired of using all these things as excuses to be unhappy. I'm tired of being fat, I'm tired of feeling like crap, I'm just tired of it. I'm also not going to sit idly by and complain about it, I'm going to get up and do something about it. So I have. For the past 4 weeks I've watched my calories and exercised like I've never exercised before. I'm going to end this roller-coaster one footstep at a time. So far I've only lost 14lbs but even though I've plateaued its ok I'm still going. I know there are women out there doing the same roller-coaster as me and girls its time to get off this damn ride and start doing something about it. So this is my first post hopefully of many in my journey I hope to take some of you all with me hopefully inspire, motivate and cheer on those who need it. I'm a warrior on the inside and I'm tryin to dig her out. She will be out when my race comes hopefully in full force. Today I jogged, I never jog, I walk cause I never thought I could jog. I never believed in myself enough to think jogging was possible. After today my thinking has changed Not only did I jog I jogged more than I thought I could. I did a total of 2.5 miles today I didn't jog all of it but I jogged 2.5 laps out of 6. I was totally proud of myself that me the person who I didn't think could jog got out there and jogged non stop for 2.5 laps. I can do this! I may only have jogged 2.5 laps but you gotta start somewhere and right now I'm ok with the little achievements. Little achievements add up to big huge achievements. So right now I'm relishing in the little things.